| Pas de tu. I'm still optimistic. |
[27 Mar 2008|08:38pm] |
Things arent going as I thought they would be. Although, admittingly enough, I never had a preconcieved notion about it. Really, I didnt. Of course, I'm talking about the country club. I cant really wait for it to pick up, or be 'busy'. Either way, there wont be enough money to go around just my working on weekends. I'm definitely going through with the whole bartending thing. I start my night classes on April 10th. I have to pay for it next week, which means I cant spend a lot of what i already dont have of my paycheck. It's very cheap, so I cant complain. I know the bartending wont be much either, but it IS more hours, tips and such. For now it's the thing to do.
I spent all day today researching the 'art scene' in Yonkers. In the time that I last looked stuff up, a whole bunch of websites sprang up supporting the scene. Although, I havent seen much evidence to support the theory of an art scene. Plus, i have to admit, all the stuff I see is from these old fuddy artists. Which really irks me. Where are artists my age? Creating themselves some harsh or idealistic world in which they rule? I feel like I'm constantly alone in that. I hate that I have no scene, at least art wise. It really makes me mad.
So I emailed some fuddy artists for advice on how to get my work noticed. That tactic didnt work the last time I tried it, but maybe someone will at least be nice enough to tell me to fuck off, as opposed to no response.
Blah.
I have to tell the country club I wont be able to work there for the rest of the summer. Ugh. It's such an easy job, but there arent enough hours. I do need to make money. I wish I could do it with my art, but it's difficult with absolutely no contacts, and with no one that will buy what I make, which sucks. I know there's an audience. How do I find them? UGH. I hate this, what I'm doing. I'm thinking. And too much about the future, at that. I hate when I do that because I start to worry and fret about my future, if i have any, and i wonder if I'll end up destitute. Which wouldnt be nice. I have too high a penchant for foreign fashion magazines and MAC make up. I must stop worrying. But what about my future?
I want to be an artist. That's my entire goal. Honestly.
I want to sell my work, and be known for it. That's all. That and traveling around the world on the money that I make from the art.
I would love to use my photography for it, more than anything. I happen to think I'm damn good with a camera. And currently, my photos are being used in blogs and articles on the internet. I'm proud of that, but how do I turn that around so that I can get paid for it?
Hmmm.. I need to start an art scene. The one that i found was very old, with people who just restore paintings and ugh, are just old. Not current. Not now. Not young and pulsating with the ridiculous passion to just fucking create! Ugh. There are a couple of events I must attend. Just to even get my feet wet.
I'll figure this out, I have to. Art is my life. And I really do refuse to go to school for it. It's ridiculous. Pas De Tu! I did the college thing. Twice. I hated it. I only went for the people and the hanging out. Ugh. pas de tu, pas de tu. I refuse, plus I have NO money for that. So even if I wanted to, this nigga bitch is briz-oke.
More than anything I need money for August and November. That's all. And art supplies. Oh and foreign magazines.
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